Waiting is often difficult for me. I attribute this to events of my childhood. With a terminally ill father and a sibling who was a pediatric cancer patient, I spent a lot of time in waiting rooms bored out of my mind. While I understood the importance of these visits as a child, it did not quell my restlessness. Anyone who has spent time with me knows that while I have incredible patience with people and pets, I have zero patience for things like standing in line. Perhaps I should clarify, idle waiting is difficult for me. Intentional waiting is something I am much more adept at handling. This puts me in an interesting place when we approach Advent.
We live in a world that wants to rush right to Christmas and the joy found there. In fact, as I am writing this there is still a bowl of Halloween candy in my house but a quick trip to the store tells me it is already the holiday season. It makes it challenging in church life to walk with people in Advent and say, “wait wait, wait … prepare your hearts; Jesus is coming.”
I can’t say I blame them, there is a certain warmth that comes with the celebration of Christmas compared to the measured waiting of Advent (The church calendar does include weeks of celebration after Christmas). This dissonance between the church calendar and the culture around us creates a weird juxtaposition for clergy. This will be one of my busiest work months of the year as I prepare worship, attend events, run meetings, work through budgets and so on. I often get swept up in the work and find myself longing for Christmas not as a spiritual practice but out of my physical desire to take a nap.
This year presents new challenges in a post-vaccine world. Planning and adapting plans around our ever-changing pandemic reality will surely be a challenge. This season will be different for me on a deeply personal level as well; it is my first Advent as a single mom, solo pastor and divorcee. As I think about the inevitable approach of Advent waiting, I feel deep grief wrapped up in all the ways the world and my life have changed. I long for the easy tradition of Christmas Eve candlelight worship without worrying about distance, masks and infection rates. I lament that even when ending a relationship is the right thing to do, it can also be the hardest thing to do, and each new season brings reminders of what once was.
When the first Sunday of Advent arrives, I will not be taking on an extra spiritual practice in the traditional sense. Instead, I hope to spend a minute or two each day listening for God, remembering my call, and looking forward to what is to come while clinging to hope. I endeavor not to write a daily devotional or take a photo a day but to remember that grace is for me too.
In fact, I need grace as much as any other person, perhaps sometimes maybe more. My plan is to have grace for myself in all the waiting and longing of the season; To have grace for myself in the hustle and bustle and stress and one too many meals from the drive-thru of the season. To have grace enough to allow the tears to flow. To speak out loud the difficulty of pastoring through nearly two years of pandemic life — two Easters, two Christmases. My prayer is that I (we) will learn from this season what is worth clinging to and what we can let go of. That we will each hear the voice of God reminding us of our call to love and serve those in our midst.
Rebecca Gresham-Kesner is pastor at Faith Presbyterian Church in Medford, New Jersey. Outside of church and family life, you can find her in nature, finding fun ways to be creative or asking awkwardly deep questions of people she just met.
"wait" - Google News
November 26, 2021 at 05:00PM
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Grace in the waiting - The Presbyterian Outlook
"wait" - Google News
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