Nothing the Texans, general manager Bill O’Brien, and head coach Bill O’Brien did in the offseason worked. Clearly.
The franchise that can’t get right, didn’t get right.
The Texans stepped onto the field Thursday night and were embarrassed in the Super Bowl, I mean, AFC Championship Game, um, a divisional playoff contest, wait … that was just the first game of the season?
But reading and listening to the city’s football fandom, after a 34-20 loss to the Chiefs, one would think the season was over.
Take a deep breath. Calm down.
While almost everything is in shambles in 2020, I will not allow you to ruin our time-honored local sports holidays.
The annual airing of grievances during Texans’ Festivus — where fans openly call for the firing of coaches, sacking of quarterbacks, blocking of offensive linemen and tackling of defenders — is a long way off people.
This is not a leap year. TEP Day, the traditional Texans holiday where fans and media must be reminded that it is too early to panic, isn’t on the calendar until late-November, after the New England Patriots come to town. Texans’ Festivus ALWAYS come after that.
My goodness, Cal McNair hasn’t even put away his Hugo Boss Hogg three-piece suit yet. The Texans’ standard on wearing white isn’t a pre-Labor Day fashion decree. They wait until after their white day, typically the home opener.
No, I will not insert some wisecrack about the Texans should now wear black because the season is dead.
We are not gathered here to say farewell to their dearly departed Super Bowl dreams. In due time, perhaps, but not now.
First of all, we must bury the Rockets. Those services are tentatively scheduled for early in the week. Social distancing — don’t get close to me, don’t breathe on me, don’t touch me — much like the Rockets’ rebounding and defensive practices in the last couple games, will be observed.
The Astros’ funeral comes next. We’re tentatively planning a walk in their honor. It would be solemn, and fitting.
The Texans are always last on the schedule. Let’s keep it that way.
As for O’Brien’s Texans, they have played one game. One game.
Yeah, we know that trading DeAndre Hopkins, the player who did more to make Deshaun Watson’s job easier by almost always being open and if not catching a slew of passes anyway, wasn’t smart.
Expecting newcomers Brandin Cooks and Randall Cobb to cover the loss was probably a miscalculation.
While “probably” is probably doing a lot of work in the previous sentence, we have little evidence available upon which to base a more definitive criticism.
The two of them combined for just four catches for 43 yards in Kansas City, with half that coming in the last four minutes when the Chiefs were assured of victory.
But they have played one game. One game.
Making Tim Kelly the primary play-caller is a gamble. We’re talking about a guy whose resume lists more seasons as a graduate assistant than as an offensive coordinator.
Without the benefit of preseason games and inter-squad scrimmages, the Texans looked ragged and haphazard on Thursday.
Is Kelly to blame that his offense managed just 99 yards in a two-quarter stretch when the Chiefs outscored the Texans 31-0?
Come on. He has called plays for one game. One game.
As poorly as the Texans played on defense last year, 28th out of 32 teams in yards allowed, their most significant move of the offseason was promoting Anthony Weaver to defensive coordinator.
With Weaver making the decisions as a coordinator for the first time in his career, Kansas City rookie Clyde Edwards-Helaire rushed for 138 yards on 25 carries, by far the most yards a first-year running back has ever had against the Texans. Nos. 2 and 3 on that list came in the Texans’ inaugural season.
Are the Texans going to be worse than they have ever been against the run because Weaver is the defensive coordinator?
Weaver has worn the lead headset for one game. One game.
At times Thursday, the Texans offensive line barely put up a fight, looking like Tall Boys against the Chiefs’ pass rush. It you told me guard Zach Fulton had forgotten he was no longer with the Chiefs, whom he played for in his first four seasons in the league, I wouldn’t argue with you.
Their defense flapped around just about as much, with attempted arm-tackles resulting in embarrassing highlights for Chiefs’ runners.
Still, unless you are one of those nuts who celebrates a birthday month, it is too early to panic.
From the time the Chiefs trailed Houston 24-0 in a January playoff game until they relaxed on Thursday, Kansas outscored the Texans 82-14. So, it is safe to say that Kansas City’s professional football is better than Houston’s professional football.
But, for the 2020 season, the teams have played once. One game.
Thursday’s game didn’t prove anything. It showed us where the Texans need to improve.
If, or when, they meet again (and the Chiefs indubitably crush them again), it’ll be in January. Around Texans’ Festivus.
Let’s at least wait until the leaves change color somewhere in the U.S. before we panic about the Texans not being a Super Bowl contender.
After that, you can air grievances.
Then you can try to convince me that head coach O’Brien is the blame. For now, the man has coached only 97 games.
One more than 96.
jerome.solomon@chron.com
Twitter.com/jeromesolomon
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September 13, 2020 at 01:00AM
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