Members of a popular internet forum rallied around one newly married woman who refused to wait for her habitually-late father to walk her down the aisle.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/Powerful_Mention9796 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) detailed her dad's need to help everyone around him and revealed how that people-pleasing behavior put a damper on her big day.
Titled, "[Am I the a**hole] for not waiting for my dad to walk me down the aisle?" the post has received nearly 23,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments in the last day.
"I love my dad and he loves me," OP began. "[But] he has this weird need to be useful."
Continuing to explain that her father has missed countless events throughout her life because he was busy helping somebody else, the original poster said she made it clear that if he was late to her wedding, she would not wait for him.
The original poster also said that, when her wedding day arrived, it was the same old story.
"I told him if he was late...I would not wait. I guess he forgot because someone from his church needed some help with their car," OP wrote. "I did not hesitate. I had my uncle ready to go. [He] has always been there when my dad lets me down.
"My dad showed up twenty minutes into the ceremony. I guess he thought I would wait," OP continued. "At the reception he was crying because I am his only daughter [and] I took away his only chance to do this.
"I am just sick of being an afterthought," OP added. "My mom says I hurt him. I just think he has hurt me by not putting me first ever."
Weddings are momentous occasions, even for those not getting married.
While the marrying couple should remain at the center of attention on their big day, and during the months leading up to it, there are many moving parts behind the scenes, often involving family members and other loved ones.
This is especially true for a bride's parents, who are traditionally responsible for everything from announcing the couple's engagement in print, to driving the bride to the ceremony and walking her down the aisle, according to WeddingWire.
However, a parent's involvement in their child's wedding is largely dependent on their relationship with that child. And when that relationship is damaged, or already stretched thin, there is greater potential for dilemmas similar to the original poster's.
"I have seen this with a variety of clients where they feel a constant sense of disappointment in their relationship with their parents as an adult," psychotherapist Alea DiGirolamo told Newsweek. "The common theme I notice is that the parent-child relationship never evolved from (parent-child) to (parent-adult child) so there is an imbalance of expectations."
Even on an adult's wedding day, when expectations are highest for everyone closest to them, cracks within relationships are likely to reveal themselves—no matter how much pain they may bring.
"It sounds like this woman unfortunately was expecting her father to be someone that he isn't," DiGirolamo said. "I honestly don't blame her.
"Her wedding is one of the most important events in her life, so her father showing up late projects a message that he doesn't care for her in the way she needs him to," DiGirolamo added. "That's devastating."
Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, many Redditors echoed that sentiment and defended the original poster for taking control of her wedding day, despite her father's tardiness.
"You dad didn't forget, he just expected you to wait for him to get there," Redditor u/Feeling-Chemist-9394 wrote in the post's top comment, which has received nearly 32,000 upvotes. "You didn't take away his only chance of walking you down the aisle, he did.
"Now he's facing the consequences of his actions," they continued. "[Not the a**hole] at all."
"100 [percent] agree with this," Redditor u/ashleighbuck commented, receiving more than 8,000 upvotes. "Dad threw his chance away with the choices he made. Deliberately."
Redditor u/Vox_Popsicle, whose comment has received nearly 10,000 upvotes, offered a similar perspective.
"It sucks that you had to have a backup plan, but he 100 [percent] caused this," they wrote. "He knows how he could have walked you down the aisle."
"The fact that you knew to have a backup plan in place says it all," Redditor u/nativecrone added, receiving more than 3,000 upvotes. "He let you down...again."
"Your dad decided someone's car was a bigger priority than his daughter on her wedding day," Redditor u/thingsinapile chimed in. "Don't let him manipulate you into thinking you have done something wrong."
Newsweek has reached out to u/Powerful_Mention9796 for comment. We are unable to verify the details of the case.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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